After these six long years, I will never be same again.

They say, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it, is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Thus, First of all, I want to start this talk with thanks to our academy:  PAHS. Yes, I need to thank PAHS for making all of us what we are, specially the clinical faculties. This is the beginning of long-long journey of all of us as a physician, but we do are something compared to what we were six years back. An intermediate graduate, a nobody.

A medical collage with ethics

The noble peace prize winner, Elie Wiesel said, “There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest the injustice.”

The best thing about our academy is: they talk, train and frequently re-enforce for compassion, empathy and ethics. We are untoldly trained to be advocate of suffering society. I heard from friends of other medical school about: how they are tortured for money by collage, how collage fails the students in exams to take the higher charges of re exam, how they were threatened to not to talk/write in the favor when respected professor Govinda KC was in hunger-strike for the long-term betterment of medical education. In government collage, you can speak your heart, and take the support of what you think is right, and they motivate you to go towards right path. And this is always rewarding experience.

Few teachers I won’t forget

A rule at our academy I find weird is, non-permanent faculties are made to leave the institution after two years. I heard from friends of other academies/institutes that contract of non-permanent staffs are renewed every year for as long as they want. The departure of extremely knowledgeable and experienced teachers like Prof. Madhusudan Subedi sir, Prof. Dr. Ram Krishna Dulal Sir, Dr Arbin Joshi Sir hurt me lot. Their departure (against their will) was a huge loss for the university. Especially Madhu sir was like my idol. A good teacher like him, himself can never tell how he touches and affects the eternity of student, and where his influence stops.

The incidents not only made me sad, but also I am thinking more seriously about job security in future. Because being extremely knowledgeable and experienced as well is not enough.

Friendship isn’t same for me now

These six years gave me some best friends for life. Truly speaking this ‘some’ means fewer than what I had expected. What they taught, “Be polite and be nice to everybody, be helpful and befriend to all colleagues.” is not practical in this brutal world. It’s harsh, but it’s true. You, from periphery, way distant from Kathmandu, reach to a government medical school. Yes, this was pleasing achievement then. But they taught me really fast that, you can’t be friendly with everybody. Some will have narrow reservation against you because of your origin, caste, skin color etc. And that’s true. There will be others who will value their interest, gain or respect more than friendship, or will use relationship for personal gain. There are other cool dudes, who may spoil you. From that background of scarcity and poverty, being a bright student, you haven’t come here to be a spoilt brat. You need to be selective while being friend. An alcoholic or drug abuser friend is forcing you to join his party, it’s better to shout harder and lose the friendship.

They teach to make friends, learn to break friendships too.

Every relationship should be held by that special bond: Love. Spread love, never hurt and don’t let them hurt you too. They say “Forget injuries, never forget kindness.” But life is hard sometimes. People, who once stood strong in your favor, proved that they are your best friend in the entire world, may change with time. And you have no option left. Even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. Life comes with no guarantee. Taking relationships to an end is the decision we always take late, and repent. Sooner is better, later will make you suffer more. Either it is relationship, or a common kitchen or a study group or shared books or whatever. I recommend breaking the walls and getting separated. This is one of the hard things I learnt in this six long years. If they didn’t want you to go, they will let you know and warmly welcome you back. If they were really waiting for you to separate by yourself, they will let you know and fondly good bye you. Yes, mistakes can be corrected, not making mistakes will not teach you anything at all. I remember a period, I lingered for separation. Later I not only repented, but remorsed. Then after, I was not same again.

The introductory block study

This was initial 6 month of our study and most enjoying part of the course. This easy part was designed with the idea of bringing students of science background and paramedic background at same level. The physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics curriculum was what we had already learnt better during +2. The scientific communication, Introduction to clinical medicine, statistics was not that tough. Six months became interesting time pass.

But I was highly unsatisfied with some parts of examination. Students failing were compelled to stay at home for approx 1 year and give re-examination next year with junior batch. Their one year was lost. In subsequent batches, students failing same exam were allowed to pursue study. In further batch, student failing in practical exam and passing theory were asked to appear re-exam, but re-exam of theory he passed, not the practical he failed. This was probably because he was only who failed in practical and designing re-practical-exam for single student was tough task. Again in further junior batch, students failing were made to loss a year. I am sure they had lot of discussion to take such a tough decision. But it was childish to change the rule every year. Personally I feel that, important things we were taught then like Medical informatics, Statistics, ICM, Community Health etc should be incorporated in Basic science curriculum of next 2 years. And introductory block should be removed from curriculum leaving away physics, chemistry and biology thing.

The six months at district hospital

One of the bold decisions taken and implemented by our academy is, the six months posting at District hospital in 4^th year. That was a nice time. Professionally, it prepared us for carrier as physician. We were allowed to manage patients and do almost everything that a doctor does. It built a lot of confidence for up-coming carrier. In addition, we didn’t have much work load or much to study. We could manage vacations and trips. That too was a nice time, especially for students like us, who hardly get a leave or vacation.

In the end

Today, when I am writing these lines, is last day of my internship and also last day of our 6 year long MBBS course. I feel sad going from here: specially working with and learning from extremely knowledgeable faculties who teach and don’t harass unlike traditional medical school. Being member of a hospital where poor and needy people too get at least emergency treatment irrespective of their ability to pay. These all will be missed and fondly remembered. In other hand, I am in kind of hurry to leave some suffocating people around. Don’t ask me this in detail, and off course there good people to be missed too. I am not sure; I should grumble that roses have thorns or should be grateful that thorns have roses. But it wont again be easy to say, "Either you pay or not, you have are going to picnic with us." or "If you are not coming, then party is cancelled for me too." Anyways, I am way happy that I will be back to home leaving all this. Back with parents and grandparents: who love more and judge less, correct you more and blame you less. Probably this is why they say, night is darkest just before dawn. I will be sent for mandatory service of 2 years as payback of my scholarship, most-probably to one of the PHC or hospital near my home. Thanks to the scarcity of doctors there. At the end of all these, the one thing I know best is: “I will never be same again.”

Thank you