Who is a WITCH?

One fine morning, I received call from a hospital where I do my private practice. They asked me to come hospital to see an emergency patient there.

I reached emergency in few minutes. A gentleman was sitting in emergency tool. Our paramedic who had done primary management, told me that there was simple case of physical assault brought by police, and police were waiting outside to arrest him after we discharge him from hospital. He further suggested me to admit him in hospital which will save him from torture by police, and further it will be economically beneficial to hospital as well. (Let me remind that such request is not unusual in private health centers, further requesting for admition and expensive labs/meds and huge bill is also not unusual by patients of physical assault since the assaulter will pay for the bills.)

I took a quick history from patient, he said he was beaten badly and is having severe pain, and requested me to admit him in hospital to do necessary treatment and pain management. His examination findings were normal. His anxiety made me feel that I should admit him. I sent an Xray to rule out bone fracture.

I had to wait for sometime till report of X-Rays comes. In this leisure, I asked helper-boy of hospital about why police were waiting outside. He said, “Sir, the patient you are seeing is famous politician from major political party. His daughter is sick since few months due to a witch-craft (बोक्सीको जादूटुना). Thus they beat the witch and her family. The beaten family is under treatment in nearby hospital.” He further gave his view that witch should be treated exactly like this.

“If there was something called witch, no terrorist would use suicide-bomb. They would rather come to our villages to learn the witchcraft and kill or injure the people-leaders they want without any difficulty.” I said. I had grown little angry myself knowing that my patient has accused some one of being witch and has beaten her innocent family for no reason.

Photo of Kantipur Dialy
of news on same issue

Report of x-ray came in few minutes showing normal findings. I prescribed the needed medications and informed the police that they can take him away now.

Not only friends in hospital, but also few of my close well wishers were not happy for what I did later. They commented that helping political people is relation of give-and-take. It would be beneficial to me later. They further warned me that in current society, there isn’t good place for a person who only does what he thinks is right. Being ethical doesn’t pays, instead it harms.

I silently disagreed.

In the evening, there was news in “avenues tv “ about same incident, that the culprits are arrested. Next day, I read in national newspaper “Kantipur” and the “Nagarik” about same. All of them made me feel that, if had really helped him to escape from police, I won’t have been able to forgive myself.

At the end, it’s not about what my gain is, it’s only about what type of person I ought to be….

An interpretation

An interpretation 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXEYb7bCaQo

(Click on this link of YouTube to listen the song i am talking about.) 

Above song in YouTube, It was not just next song.

That night, I was going through kind of hard time in life. Life of none is easy, neither is mine. Music happens to be my best friend of difficult times. That night too, I was listening to songs in YouTube. This came just as a next song and touched me somewhere inside.

I felt as if lyrics were talking to me. For me it was talk between mother and son (though you may not agree me on this). I am writing my translation (with little edits) in English, and also my own interpretation of the song/poem.

Paragraph 1                                                                                                   My Translation

Ek bagal mein chand hoga, ek bagal mein rotiyan                       Moon on a side and food on other,
Ek bagal mein neend hogi, ek bagal mein loriyan                        Sleep on a side and lullaby on other,
Hum chand pe, Roti ki chadar daal kar so jayenge                      I will sleep on moon with mattress of food,
Aur neend se, Keh denge lori kal sunane aayenge                      And tell the sleep, lullaby tomorrow.

First paragraph is son’s word. He is showing options. Firstly moon Vs food, means ambition (moon) Vs current need (food). Secondly Sleep Vs lullaby, means comfort of future (sleep) Vs Hard work i.e. Means to attain it (Lullaby). 

The son selects his options too, but negatively. He wants to sleep on moon with mattress of food. Meaning that forgetting the ambition, he wants to enjoy current need. He want to tell the sleep that lullaby tomorrow, means tell the comfort of future that hard-work tomorrow.
He sounds frustrated.

Paragraph 2                                                                                                   My Translation

Ek bagal mein khan-khanati seepiyan ho jayengi,                      Ruby on a side,
Ek bagal mein kuchh rulati sisikiyan ho jayengi,                          tears on other side,
Hum seepiyon mein, bhar ke saare taare chun ke aayenge,      A lot of rubies we will gather,
Aur siskiyon ko, Gudgudi kar kar ke yun behlayenge,                 and tickle the pain, to laugh out the tear

Second paragraph is mothers reply. She is teaching her child, giving him hope. 

She too is showing options. Ruby Vs Tears, means prosperity (Ruby) Vs Current pain during hard work (Tears). She too is selecting options, but positively. She wants to attain prosperity. Obviously hard-work comes between current tears and future prosperity. She is teaching to enjoy during the times of tears.

“Aur siskiyo ko gudgudi kar-karke yun behlaayege”, She is outstandingly telling to tickle the tear to make it laugh, meaning try to enjoy even at the time of tears. Don’t worry for current problem, suppress the tear and think about the bright future.

Paragraph 3                                                                                                   My Translation

Amma teri siskiyon pe koi rone aayega                                      Mom, someone will come to cry with our tear
Gam na kar jo aayega woh phir kabhi na jayega                        Don’t worry, who comes won’t leave us ever
Yaad rakh par koi anhoni nahi tu layegi                                      Make sure, you avoid any decision of disaster,
Layegi to phir kahani aur kuchh ho jayegi                                   Otherwise, that can again be the  game changer

The first word of this verse “mom” made me think most that this all poem is talk between mother and son.

Here, the son is gaining strength. He too is showing bright future. He hopes, good days will come and never goes away. But he is afraid too: something bad may happen, good days may come never. He wishes his mom to avoid any bad decisions and makes sure it won’t happen, good times do comes. Otherwise, things may stay as it is, he warns.

Paragraph 4 (Last)                                                                                            My Translation

Honi aur anhoni ki parwah kise hai meri jaan                              Either good happens or bad, who is worried?
Hadd se jyaada yeh hi hoga ki yahin mar jayenge                      Even the worst happening, that we are killed,
Hum maut ko, Sapna bata kar uth khade honge yahin               We will move on even if  worst outcome is paved
Aur honi ko, Thenga dikha kar khil-khilte jayenge                       Will laugh out louder and tease the mis-happenings made

Mom summarizes with further strength. She suggests not to worry what happens, even if it’s worst possible outcome. Even if the worst thing happens, we can ignore it and move on. We will be laughing out and tease the worst outcome as well. We will make sure that we are not worried at all even with worst thing that made to happen with us.

The last line, “Honi ko thenga dikhakar khilkhilate jayenge”: “we will move on laughing, teasing the mis-happenings to us” is the sentence with most strong meaning. I don’t think any better closing was possible.

I feel, this poem by Piyush Chawla is an outstanding piece of creation.

They say, poetry is like water, you can make it take the shape of your container or flow as per your wish. It’s ok to tell that I interpreted like this because I wanted to. Actually this is what poetry is.

The ‘Precedent medal of freedom’ winner, Pablo Casals, wrote that, “The art of interpretation is not to play what is written.” So this is my interpretation. You are free to disagree or focus differently.

Thank you

Talking about LOVE

Photo: Google

“She called me just to inform that other boy in the class dropped her home.” This was how he started the talk. 

“Things are not going as I want them to. Yet I still will to talk to her, request her and save the relationship.” He continued. Then he stopped talking there.

I could understand what was happening. I have never felt it easy to talk about love with elders or seniors. It was not easy for him too. That evening expecting genuine suggestions, he was coming up with his feelings with difficulty. I wanted to kill the silence that came and also wanted to respond at his plan which I was not satisfied with.

“Once she (who ever his girlfriend was) has explained stepping back from relationship she must have well planned and will definitely do. No matter how you request or how creatively you explain, she will eventually do what she has to do. No matter how much you love her, it won’t make any difference. You would rather quit the plan of talking to ask for saving the relationship. It won’t work at all. You will just be hampering your self-respect.” I explained. “The most you can do is show her a perspective, show her what she can’t see. Just make her see the light at the end of dark tunnel, make her see silver lining in the edge of dark cloud, but let her decide and do by herself. Don’t request.” I added.

After a pause, he said that he agrees with me but can’t help himself.

And then he started his small love story:

After Intermediate, I started classes in new institute for MBBS entrance preparation. I had not thought I will be in such friend circle this early. I find all four of my friends dependable and trust worthy. I am happy to be a part of this friend circle. Few girls too became close to our circle. They are around six in number. One of the beauty among them whom I had crush on the first sight was special for me. Her name was Neelam (name changed). She even belonged to my caste. Things were going cool. I was enjoying my classes. I labored hard in hostel so that I could answer the questions by faculties and solve the numericals earliest in class. My hidden agenda was to get her impressed. After a few days, the girls threw a nice party on the occasion of birthday of one of them. That day we talked, sang, danced and enjoyed as much as we could. Neelam was not so good at dancing exactly like me. She was not dressed in modern manner thus was looking exactly the way I like: simple and beautiful. There were many other things or say I willingly figured many other things that made me think that she was a perfect match for me.

After a week, it was the birthday of another girl among them. We knew it was her birthday only after she distributed chocolate in break-time, thus no party was arranged. After the classes ended at 5 pm, we bought a birthday cake. All the boys of our circle except me stay in a rented flat. We planned to organize the cake-cutting ceremony in their flat and all of us went there. It was already 6 pm by then. Since it was getting darker, it was sure that we won’t have much time for the celebration. So we decided to stay there whole night and celebrate. Much to my shock and surprise the girls too wanted to stay and enjoy the party. The girls staying in hostel had no difficulty at all but Neelam and one other girl stayed with family thus they were returning. Interestingly the desire of our heart and brain mostly vary. From my heart and feelings I was sad to know that Neelam was going home, but from brain and my arguments I was satisfied to her decision. I can’t imagine my sister or family members staying out at night for party with friends, with boys too. I have same respect for Neelam as well. But these girls couldn’t stand on their decision. Neelam suggested talking to their family to ask for permission to stay for the party. Birthday girl phoned the family of both of them and got the permission to keep them for her birthday party. I was happy that Neelam was being with me but internally not satisfied to her decision. She should have returned home.

We brought the groceries for the party and started cooking. The girls were habituated to use knife and chopping board. Neelam alone could use our traditional chulesi. Again my brain automatically started searching for evidences that would convince myself that Neelam was perfect match for me. She could fit the best in my family as my better half. My brain went on having crazy conversations with myself. Everything was being fun. The cookery, cake cutting, dinner, we enjoyed all. It finished at around 11 pm. Then we started playing a game: Truth or Dare. Turn by turn, all of us had to explain about our past, love life etc. During the game, I knew that Neelam and I were only members in group who didn’t had any relationship yet. I had some crushes in school and collage but I lied. I think Neelam too did same. Yet I was happy. The girls and boys shared some romantic times of their life. I enjoyed all the stories. During school, when we even didn’t talked to girls of our class, guys and girls of my age in Kathmandu were having romantic relationship! Amazing!! Most of the girls shared that they had their boyfriend in India pursuing their bachelor degree. But their actions were well explaining that they needed a new one, probably among us. During the game, a girl even said that if she propose someone, that one would be me. I blushed yet pretended as if I was normal. During my turn I also shamelessly said that Neelam was special for me. Internally I felt good saying that. Neelam didn’t respond. After all it is brain of eighteen years old male, my eyes do were occasionally going towards the girl as well who said she may propose me and no one else. After the game she was in the mood of flirting even more.

She said that my hairs were looking dry and offered if I wanted her to apply hair oil on it.

Could there be anything more enjoying? I agreed in no time without even thinking what would Neelam think. She was rubbing her hands in my head and I was enjoying like never before.

Now Neelam couldn’t resist. She asked if I would like her as well to massage my head. Obviously I agreed. Did she get jealous? Does she think I belong to her and no one else? I questioned myself and became overjoyed.

Now the hand massaging my hairs were replaced by Neelam’s. I felt like being in heaven. I could feel that she loved me too. She didn’t say it, probably she wanted me to sense it. I could feel how amazing it is to be in love, especially when the other person loves you back. My happiness knew no bound.

“Would you like to massage mine hairs too?” She further asked.

We were hurrying and lust was slowly overriding the emotions. My heart knew this but my brain couldn’t stop me.

“Do you think I don’t?” I replied.

So now it was my turn. I went on and on and on massaging her hairs. Everything happening was offered by Neelam herself. It is truly said that when someone wants you in their life, they’ll themselves make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for it. I was enjoying the romantic time. It went on more than two hours. Till then other friends had left us alone there. Some were in the terrace, others were sleeping uncomfortably in another room. The room we were sitting was large one. Yet they decided not disturbing us. I didn’t cared at all for all these. Now drama had to start. Massage of hairs ended. Neelam sat just beside me such that her thigh, body, shoulder all touched mine. I liked it but conversation didn’t go as I had expected. She started talking about her previous boyfriend which was the last topic in this earth that I would like to hear. She declared that even after he broke up, she was not ever going to forget him. A bullet in my chest was more preferable than any of her words. She kept her head in my lap and wept. I comforted her by changing my position. Though she was crying for losing her previous boyfriend, she was hugging me. Her head was in my chest, thighs in my lap and our hands were around each other. This was my first experience for such intimacy. I was aroused and I had goose bumps in my body, yet I was in control because of her tears. Slowly she pulled my hands and our fingers were gripping each other’s. Such a position, around midnight and no one else in the room, possibly it was call for sexual relation but I didn’t want it to happen then. It would have been too early. If I had not been loving her truly from the bottom of my heart or if there was someone else in place of me, one would have easily lost his control. I do wanted to kiss her but I couldn’t dare. After all this was my first experience and I was nervous like never before. This stayed for more than an hour. She got asleep in my lap and I was just looking at her.

It was around 4 am when she suddenly woke up. She said she was going and went to other room where other girls were sleeping. I slept right there. After a few minutes, a friend of mine came and said that Neelam was calling me in the terrace. Her name was enough to wake me up. I went. She was alone there. Cold breeze was blowing. She seemed to be shivering so I gave her my jacket. Now the drama queen started her show. She talked about her family, her previous boyfriend. She came up with many meaningless arguments to prove that she can’t come in relationship with me. I kept silent. “If she had not to come in relationship, what was she doing the whole night?” I thought but didn’t say anything at all. I felt like crying but couldn’t. She continued talking till the morning. I was hurt, I was listening, and I had nothing to say. I know she is comfortably doing all this because she have plenty of other options. She do can find a guy better than me, smarter than me, richer than me but she doesn’t know that she can’t find a guy who would love her more than me. No one can love her like I do. In the morning I dropped her home and came back to hostel and slept, obviously being sad and depressed. She is a liar, a cheat, a play girl, a heartless person. I repeated this thousand times to myself.

“I don’t know what to do. Once I will talk to her, request her and save the relationship.” He declared.

No matter how angry we get, we always end up forgiving the people we love. He too had did same.

“I don’t know what to do.” He repeated.

He ended.

I took a pause. First of all, I asked what he felt right now. I wanted to make sure he was not taking any bad decisions. Some teenage may think of suicide or decide to quit study after such incidents. Some opt to become an alcoholic, thinking that the only way to get rid of an unpleasant feeling is to replace it with another unpleasant feeling. Thankfully he didn’t had any of such plans. He do was depressed. Feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness might have come. This might have made him think that he is incomplete, he lack something. I can understand the pain because of giving permanent feeling to a temporary person. I cautioned him that staying attached to her or having a hope was going to depress him even more. I suggested to be in gap with her. He had to start it the same day because there is no better time than right now for anything good. And also let not these things to hamper his study, this was a critical time of his life. I hope he understood. He had to accept the fact that love is not always reciprocated. When breakup comes the one who has to move simply leaves, the other one is alone to suffer, to get hurt. This is same in every breakup. Now, love has become pretty much cheap and well-to-do. To come in a relationship, to break up, to swap the partner you don’t need to invest even a month. Things are easy. I agree it’s not true for many, but they are the exceptions. Society is run not by exceptions but by what generally happens. You do have to accept the fact.

Further I told him a story about love problems that I had read recently.

Ram falls in love with Sita but Sita doesn’t love Ram. So Ram is in trouble.

Slowly Ram succeeds to attract Sita towards him but she already have a boyfriend; Hari. So Sita is in trouble now.

Finally she dumps Hari over Ram. Now Hari is in trouble.

Hari tries to get Sita back. He makes her feel, after all this was the boy she loved. Ram and Sita both gets in trouble.

Hari discovers Sita was in parallel relation with him and Ram before breakup. Hari is hurt and is in trouble.

This in normal love story and love problems that people have in this age. You are in the place of Ram, Sita and Hari of above story in different times of your love too. This is common and happens with almost everyone.

Next thing is, you get depressed after breakup or you are hyperactive while you see whom you love, you have faster heartbeat, palpitation etc. These happens due to hormonal rush in your body. It is medically proven that this continues only for six month to one year. That means your depression after break up too is significantly decreased within six months or so and your interest towards your current girlfriend/boyfriend too will significantly decreased within same period of time. Break up makes you depressed, just imagine even if you were not dumped, you yourself would have lost your interest on him/her within a year. This is medically proven based on hormonal study. You can trust me not only because of medical evidences but also because when I talk about depression I talk being based on my personal experience.

Interestingly we only see the results and happenings but fail to understand or think about minor details. She offered to massage his hairs only after she saw someone else doing that. He dropped her home that day and next day she called him just to inform that some other boy in the class had dropped her. These suggests that she doesn’t want a relationship. She is a diva and just willing to have one more admirer or follower. She is just willing to be a center of attraction for many. There are people keeping ‘more than friend’ relationship with more than one. They are proud of that too. I doubt Neelam too was one among them. I explained him the same.

She could have continued a fake relationship which would have hurt him even more in future, Isn’t it? She should be thanked for making it all clear early. She might be herself going through emotional stress because of previous boyfriend whom she still loves. This can’t be an excuse and neither is she allowed to play with someone else’s feelings, yet we shouldn’t forget that she might herself be in the need of help. She needs time to get over her previous relationship. Another important fact is, no matter what intimacy you shared, when she thinks she has done with the relationship then she is done with it. She has all moral and ethical right to depart. I suggested him to let her go also because he too can’t get a true happiness from being in such a relationship. It’s good that she left by herself. It’s better to be alone than being with wrong one. Relationships should be chosen wisely. You need to have a partner who makes you want to change yourself and become a better person every day, not a person who keeps you in doubts. You should get committed preferably after you are known for considerable period of time. Relationship needs time. After all it needs a strong roots to withstand big tree. Loosing trusts, lies, fights, a long distance relationship, not matching goals, etc. are surficial reasons to break relationships. Relations actually break because your roots are not so deep, not because those winds are strong. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. You should fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. Probably this is not the right time and there is no point in doing anything more. I know to keep relationship going and to make it work- one person always needs to give little more, one person always has to forgive more, one person always have to work harder. Because of this, both person reach to a stage of relationship with a bond for life. Trust me, getting a right person is harder than doing all this. The sacrifices to a wrong person leads you nowhere other than failure and depression. We generally make the mistake of loving the one who leaves and leaving the one who loves. I suggested that it was better to quit that relationship right there instead of requesting her. She is to be left not loved. Even more if she is requested, will she agree? Off course not. If you continue damning the consequences, you will get hurt even more and nothing else. As simple as that.

I am not yet sure what will he do. It’s easy to convince people to walk in right track but it’s almost impossible to make them walk in right track. I told him that he may contact or come to me whenever he feels like needed. If his mood keeps being low, if he keeps being hurt, and if he continues being sad and depressed than we do have psychiatrist to help. I know supporting is not easy task but a continuous process.

I wish him luck for life.

A picture speaks 1000 words

This photo in the cover page of a novel not only caught my eyes but also made me think unusually more. A girl with some shoulder long hairs in classical forck-surwal like dress is hugging a man slightly taller than her. Their legs are apart balancing themselves. The body touches lovingly. And above, her forehead is just touching his nose. How romantic! The other half of the photo shows the girl is simultaneously catching left hand of other guy with her right one. I automatically start analyzing the psychology of these three and possible content of the novel as well. 

Does the boy, possibly boyfriend have any idea who he is with? What’s going to happen in near future about his relationship? Are there clues in his real life for upcoming disaster that he is ignoring?
And the other boy, is he sure the girl will come to him? And why is she coming? Is he richer, smarter or something else? Even more, is he sure that the girl dumping her current boyfriend for him won’t dump himself too for someone else better than him? Or is he happy to be a time-pass until she wants?
What about the girl herself? What is she thinking with her master piece human brain? Will swapping the boy with his hands around her waist would be easy for her? Moreover, has she got similar previous experience thus pretty confident? Would she like her ex to know she had parallel boyfriend or will try to make him understand that her new affair started only after they broke up?
Even more, what’s the novel about? Is this like a classical Hindi-film story? Two boys, one socially and personally good other morally and ethically bad, some drama in middle, and finally the good one get the girl… Perhaps not! Then is the girl central character of a tragedy story with boyfriends- before the hugged guy as well and also after the other guy in queue? I doubt. This would be a cheap story for a professional writer like “Chetan Bhagat”.

After the series of such questions ran in my mind, I needed to know the answer. And the answer was just there. Thus I opened the novel “Revolution 2020” and started reading and completed it within 10 hours or so. I noticed during the novel that the pictures of temples, rowing boat etc. as well in cover page were closely related to the story.

I remember a famous Nepali quote, that suggest to “visit Gorkha for justice and visit Kashi for education”. This is the story of same place Kashi, Vranasi being the new name of it. It is story of childhood friends who are coming towards relationship. “Did u have your dinner?” a question being asked every night since past 5 years or so is fascinating him nowadays. The character explains that he wanted her to tell her not to hold his hands publicly now. It is fine at twelve but not at seventeen. Even though, he liked it more at seventeen then at twelve. A silent love existed in heart of both. After intermediate, they fight for engineering scholarship entrance. The girl is poor student with no hope. The boy is good student but was not proved to be good enough. He was not selected by some six marks. His best friend was selected. Story twists and the best friend becomes new boyfriend of the girl. This incident changes him drastically and makes him alcohol abuser. He claims that the only way to get rid of an unpleasant feeling is to replace it with other unpleasant feeling. May be he is true up to some extent but not admirable. As a reader I felt pity on his Devdas style. I remember an incident during my posting at department of psychiatry. The resident doctor was counseling a guy being depressed after breakup. He suggested not to forget her but eternally accept as you never even knew her. I wish there was someone in this character’s life as well who would appropriately council him and bring him in right track. I could feel that- continuing to love her as he did or to hate her for what she did, both the way he was going to get hurt, get burned. However, after being failed in entrance, some change comes in his life and he ends up having some political links. He uses it opens an engineering collage and gets unusually rich. The best friend being selected in entrance is economically left behind. Now again the girl twists, and come back to her childhood friend. She asks him to tell her boyfriend, “We decided to get together, but only did so after the break-up” so that he won’t know she had parallel relation with other one for some time.

Do you really want to be a doctor or an engineer by your own eternal interest? This question is of no meaning to a student of lower middle class or middle class family. They just want a profession that could earn them living. Medicine or engineering does that. This is true for many students and professionals who are not from ‘the one percent’ class. I was really touched while going through these claims in the novel.

I wrote about some unfair means used in establishment of medical college in Nepal in my previous article. This boy too, while opening an engineering collage bribes plenty of officials. He uses- Unfair means to get land cleared from court issue. Unfair means to rezone the agricultural land to build collage. Unfair means to register the collage. Unfair means to approve the proposal of collage by University Grants Commission. Unfair means to get building plan approved. Unfair means to lure the members in inspection. Unfair means to get approved from regulatory council. Unfair means to get university affiliation. Unfair means to get number of students increased. Unfair means for publicity to get students. Even more… unfair means to get the pass out students have job, right after collage. The novel introduces honest people who didn’t take money but none of them were honest enough to stop others from taking it. I really find it interesting and close to reality in our context too.

I thank the author for his extensive research for this novel. The mixture of love and corruption makes the novel really good and makes you enjoy reading. The way corruption is shown, it is very strong story in a communist or socialist view. But the way girls are shown, the story can be criticized in feminist view. I doubt if the girls will appreciate such story. Yet I personally find it somehow close to reality in our part of world. The language of novel as well is easy for us, the Asian people. After some dozen of Nepali, this one was my first English novel and I didn’t struggled with its language at all. Over all, this book was good enough and makes you understand some real part of current world. The novel keeps you sad almost throughout the story. The last few pages crush the heart even more. I consider this a “good to read” novel but not a “must read” one. My personal rating for it would be ‘4’ out of ‘5’. 

This would be good for your next vacation...

The silent husband

Being a medical student in a public hospital is a huge luxury. Luxury in a sense that you can closely visualize your society with wide open eyes. You have the exposure to the real society better than anybody else. People from different community, different social backgrounds come with some interesting stories which can dig your brain, crush your emotions.

I remember a lady whom I met in night call during my obstetrics and gynecology posting. She was not so different case. She had classical symptoms of fibroid uterus which is benign tumor of uterus. Let me tell you, medical students are provided with a long list of question to ask with their patients. The question is about the symptom/problem, about medications, about problems in other uninvolved systems of body which patient don’t have any problem with but something missing can be found some times. And also some social, personal issues are asked along with ideas, concerns (worries) and expectations of patient.

While I reached to the social history, she told me about some of her family problems. She was married for 35 years. She has two sons of 29 and 24 years respectively. How it feels when someone special goes leaving you in trouble, in difficulty, in agony.  Leaving you alone to face it? I guess nobody knows the answer better than this lady. She doesn’t live with her husband now. Her husband lives with other wife (कान्छी श्रीमती). The torturing thing was- her house and the new house of the husband shared common veranda. That is both houses were side by side. And they don’t talk to each other at all. Imagine a lady, who sees her husband daily. The man she was married with, the man whom she gave 25 years of life (from the age of 14 to 39), the man with whom she shared some of the best time of her life, the man who assisted her during delivery of her two babies, the man whom she once thought would give all possible happiness to her. The same man lives in front of her with other woman and even talks to neither her nor the children. Imagine being hurt by someone who once promised to take care. Imagine the tear being brought by someone who promised to bring joy. Imagine the pain given by someone who promised to love… I wonder how she faces all this. And what had been the psychological effect of it in the children?? I, being a poor creature, can do nothing at all other than thinking, imagining, being touched, being hurt…. I think about days before separation. How those might have been? He must not have been able to ask for divorce at once. He must have opted to quarrel and fight in small issues, torture her mentally and physically, abuse by one way or other etc. in the topic of cookery, room, cleanliness, dresses and what not, hoping that she would herself get frustrated and ask for divorce. How patient would she have been in those days of distress? Let’s imagine that, one day she went too frustrated that she replied with anger, ”If you are this unsatisfied with me, or I am this unfit for you, why don’t you leave me?” Obviously, if anything like this was told, he would have happily accepted since he was waiting for it. And even more, how did he purposed or managed another girl to marry him? Did he say that ,"I have a loving wife, two dear children and I am not satisfied and happy with them for such and such reason, so marry me.” Funny, isn’t it? And how did she accept? How did she agree to stay in a home sharing common Veranda with home of previous wife and their children? I don’t know how things happened then. Things are simply unimaginable for me.

She is having a significant medical problem. She is going to have surgery (operation) within few days to remove her uterus, both the ovaries and fallopian tubes. And she is in huge economic problem but he doesn’t care. He is financially stable being in a good position in Nepal Rastriya Bank (NRB). But he doesn’t find it necessary to help his previous wife and his children by any means. How can a man be like this? Not only wife, he also ignored his own children who are growing up in front of him and he hasn’t talked to them since 10 years, just imagine the cruelty. Is the new wife happy with this?? I doubt. I have definitely talked to only one side. The husband also must have his own version of story. But I don’t think any justification would be enough. His wife is living separate alone and taking care of the children and himself living with other women. Isn’t he embarrassed anyway? He had a good job, a wife, 2 children and a home. This is more than required for a common man. What made him destroy his family??
He was not happy with his wife?? Ok that’s fine, but was those two children not a responsibility of him???

This story made me remember an incident in community posting during my 1^st year of medical school. In the last day of our community posting at Markhu VDC of Makwanpur, the rector of our academy, Prof. Dr. Neelam Adhiakri was there with us too see our last day presentation. I talked to her about a poor lady in village who had uterine prolapse (आङ खस्ने समस्या). I also talked how she is abused by her husband, how her husband hits her almost daily. Rector ma’am managed free treatment (operation) of her in our Hospital and also managed lodging and food facility for a caretaker (कुरुवा) whoever comes with her. Talking about the abuse, she said, “All the problems in society are created by males.” I was not satisfied to her. I knew she is talking in a feminist view. Yet I didn’t say anything, probably because she was a senior faculty of us, and even more because she managed the treatment for free to that lady. And I was very happy for that.

Today, after hearing the story of this lady who has such a cruel husband. My brain is again thinking, was rector ma’am right that day? Are male really cruel creature?? Is it us alone who create suffering for others??? Are we a creature with no heart and only selfishness (स्वार्थ)???? Are we, males the reason behind all the problems in society????? Probably not, but unfortunately our society has plenty of such people…. For which I personally can do nothing other than being unsatisfied with….