The silent husband

Being a medical student in a public hospital is a huge luxury. Luxury in a sense that you can closely visualize your society with wide open eyes. You have the exposure to the real society better than anybody else. People from different community, different social backgrounds come with some interesting stories which can dig your brain, crush your emotions.

I remember a lady whom I met in night call during my obstetrics and gynecology posting. She was not so different case. She had classical symptoms of fibroid uterus which is benign tumor of uterus. Let me tell you, medical students are provided with a long list of question to ask with their patients. The question is about the symptom/problem, about medications, about problems in other uninvolved systems of body which patient don’t have any problem with but something missing can be found some times. And also some social, personal issues are asked along with ideas, concerns (worries) and expectations of patient.

While I reached to the social history, she told me about some of her family problems. She was married for 35 years. She has two sons of 29 and 24 years respectively. How it feels when someone special goes leaving you in trouble, in difficulty, in agony.  Leaving you alone to face it? I guess nobody knows the answer better than this lady. She doesn’t live with her husband now. Her husband lives with other wife (कान्छी श्रीमती). The torturing thing was- her house and the new house of the husband shared common veranda. That is both houses were side by side. And they don’t talk to each other at all. Imagine a lady, who sees her husband daily. The man she was married with, the man whom she gave 25 years of life (from the age of 14 to 39), the man with whom she shared some of the best time of her life, the man who assisted her during delivery of her two babies, the man whom she once thought would give all possible happiness to her. The same man lives in front of her with other woman and even talks to neither her nor the children. Imagine being hurt by someone who once promised to take care. Imagine the tear being brought by someone who promised to bring joy. Imagine the pain given by someone who promised to love… I wonder how she faces all this. And what had been the psychological effect of it in the children?? I, being a poor creature, can do nothing at all other than thinking, imagining, being touched, being hurt…. I think about days before separation. How those might have been? He must not have been able to ask for divorce at once. He must have opted to quarrel and fight in small issues, torture her mentally and physically, abuse by one way or other etc. in the topic of cookery, room, cleanliness, dresses and what not, hoping that she would herself get frustrated and ask for divorce. How patient would she have been in those days of distress? Let’s imagine that, one day she went too frustrated that she replied with anger, ”If you are this unsatisfied with me, or I am this unfit for you, why don’t you leave me?” Obviously, if anything like this was told, he would have happily accepted since he was waiting for it. And even more, how did he purposed or managed another girl to marry him? Did he say that ,"I have a loving wife, two dear children and I am not satisfied and happy with them for such and such reason, so marry me.” Funny, isn’t it? And how did she accept? How did she agree to stay in a home sharing common Veranda with home of previous wife and their children? I don’t know how things happened then. Things are simply unimaginable for me.

She is having a significant medical problem. She is going to have surgery (operation) within few days to remove her uterus, both the ovaries and fallopian tubes. And she is in huge economic problem but he doesn’t care. He is financially stable being in a good position in Nepal Rastriya Bank (NRB). But he doesn’t find it necessary to help his previous wife and his children by any means. How can a man be like this? Not only wife, he also ignored his own children who are growing up in front of him and he hasn’t talked to them since 10 years, just imagine the cruelty. Is the new wife happy with this?? I doubt. I have definitely talked to only one side. The husband also must have his own version of story. But I don’t think any justification would be enough. His wife is living separate alone and taking care of the children and himself living with other women. Isn’t he embarrassed anyway? He had a good job, a wife, 2 children and a home. This is more than required for a common man. What made him destroy his family??
He was not happy with his wife?? Ok that’s fine, but was those two children not a responsibility of him???

This story made me remember an incident in community posting during my 1^st year of medical school. In the last day of our community posting at Markhu VDC of Makwanpur, the rector of our academy, Prof. Dr. Neelam Adhiakri was there with us too see our last day presentation. I talked to her about a poor lady in village who had uterine prolapse (आङ खस्ने समस्या). I also talked how she is abused by her husband, how her husband hits her almost daily. Rector ma’am managed free treatment (operation) of her in our Hospital and also managed lodging and food facility for a caretaker (कुरुवा) whoever comes with her. Talking about the abuse, she said, “All the problems in society are created by males.” I was not satisfied to her. I knew she is talking in a feminist view. Yet I didn’t say anything, probably because she was a senior faculty of us, and even more because she managed the treatment for free to that lady. And I was very happy for that.

Today, after hearing the story of this lady who has such a cruel husband. My brain is again thinking, was rector ma’am right that day? Are male really cruel creature?? Is it us alone who create suffering for others??? Are we a creature with no heart and only selfishness (स्वार्थ)???? Are we, males the reason behind all the problems in society????? Probably not, but unfortunately our society has plenty of such people…. For which I personally can do nothing other than being unsatisfied with….