Talking about LOVE

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“She called me just to inform that other boy in the class dropped her home.” This was how he started the talk. 

“Things are not going as I want them to. Yet I still will to talk to her, request her and save the relationship.” He continued. Then he stopped talking there.

I could understand what was happening. I have never felt it easy to talk about love with elders or seniors. It was not easy for him too. That evening expecting genuine suggestions, he was coming up with his feelings with difficulty. I wanted to kill the silence that came and also wanted to respond at his plan which I was not satisfied with.

“Once she (who ever his girlfriend was) has explained stepping back from relationship she must have well planned and will definitely do. No matter how you request or how creatively you explain, she will eventually do what she has to do. No matter how much you love her, it won’t make any difference. You would rather quit the plan of talking to ask for saving the relationship. It won’t work at all. You will just be hampering your self-respect.” I explained. “The most you can do is show her a perspective, show her what she can’t see. Just make her see the light at the end of dark tunnel, make her see silver lining in the edge of dark cloud, but let her decide and do by herself. Don’t request.” I added.

After a pause, he said that he agrees with me but can’t help himself.

And then he started his small love story:

After Intermediate, I started classes in new institute for MBBS entrance preparation. I had not thought I will be in such friend circle this early. I find all four of my friends dependable and trust worthy. I am happy to be a part of this friend circle. Few girls too became close to our circle. They are around six in number. One of the beauty among them whom I had crush on the first sight was special for me. Her name was Neelam (name changed). She even belonged to my caste. Things were going cool. I was enjoying my classes. I labored hard in hostel so that I could answer the questions by faculties and solve the numericals earliest in class. My hidden agenda was to get her impressed. After a few days, the girls threw a nice party on the occasion of birthday of one of them. That day we talked, sang, danced and enjoyed as much as we could. Neelam was not so good at dancing exactly like me. She was not dressed in modern manner thus was looking exactly the way I like: simple and beautiful. There were many other things or say I willingly figured many other things that made me think that she was a perfect match for me.

After a week, it was the birthday of another girl among them. We knew it was her birthday only after she distributed chocolate in break-time, thus no party was arranged. After the classes ended at 5 pm, we bought a birthday cake. All the boys of our circle except me stay in a rented flat. We planned to organize the cake-cutting ceremony in their flat and all of us went there. It was already 6 pm by then. Since it was getting darker, it was sure that we won’t have much time for the celebration. So we decided to stay there whole night and celebrate. Much to my shock and surprise the girls too wanted to stay and enjoy the party. The girls staying in hostel had no difficulty at all but Neelam and one other girl stayed with family thus they were returning. Interestingly the desire of our heart and brain mostly vary. From my heart and feelings I was sad to know that Neelam was going home, but from brain and my arguments I was satisfied to her decision. I can’t imagine my sister or family members staying out at night for party with friends, with boys too. I have same respect for Neelam as well. But these girls couldn’t stand on their decision. Neelam suggested talking to their family to ask for permission to stay for the party. Birthday girl phoned the family of both of them and got the permission to keep them for her birthday party. I was happy that Neelam was being with me but internally not satisfied to her decision. She should have returned home.

We brought the groceries for the party and started cooking. The girls were habituated to use knife and chopping board. Neelam alone could use our traditional chulesi. Again my brain automatically started searching for evidences that would convince myself that Neelam was perfect match for me. She could fit the best in my family as my better half. My brain went on having crazy conversations with myself. Everything was being fun. The cookery, cake cutting, dinner, we enjoyed all. It finished at around 11 pm. Then we started playing a game: Truth or Dare. Turn by turn, all of us had to explain about our past, love life etc. During the game, I knew that Neelam and I were only members in group who didn’t had any relationship yet. I had some crushes in school and collage but I lied. I think Neelam too did same. Yet I was happy. The girls and boys shared some romantic times of their life. I enjoyed all the stories. During school, when we even didn’t talked to girls of our class, guys and girls of my age in Kathmandu were having romantic relationship! Amazing!! Most of the girls shared that they had their boyfriend in India pursuing their bachelor degree. But their actions were well explaining that they needed a new one, probably among us. During the game, a girl even said that if she propose someone, that one would be me. I blushed yet pretended as if I was normal. During my turn I also shamelessly said that Neelam was special for me. Internally I felt good saying that. Neelam didn’t respond. After all it is brain of eighteen years old male, my eyes do were occasionally going towards the girl as well who said she may propose me and no one else. After the game she was in the mood of flirting even more.

She said that my hairs were looking dry and offered if I wanted her to apply hair oil on it.

Could there be anything more enjoying? I agreed in no time without even thinking what would Neelam think. She was rubbing her hands in my head and I was enjoying like never before.

Now Neelam couldn’t resist. She asked if I would like her as well to massage my head. Obviously I agreed. Did she get jealous? Does she think I belong to her and no one else? I questioned myself and became overjoyed.

Now the hand massaging my hairs were replaced by Neelam’s. I felt like being in heaven. I could feel that she loved me too. She didn’t say it, probably she wanted me to sense it. I could feel how amazing it is to be in love, especially when the other person loves you back. My happiness knew no bound.

“Would you like to massage mine hairs too?” She further asked.

We were hurrying and lust was slowly overriding the emotions. My heart knew this but my brain couldn’t stop me.

“Do you think I don’t?” I replied.

So now it was my turn. I went on and on and on massaging her hairs. Everything happening was offered by Neelam herself. It is truly said that when someone wants you in their life, they’ll themselves make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for it. I was enjoying the romantic time. It went on more than two hours. Till then other friends had left us alone there. Some were in the terrace, others were sleeping uncomfortably in another room. The room we were sitting was large one. Yet they decided not disturbing us. I didn’t cared at all for all these. Now drama had to start. Massage of hairs ended. Neelam sat just beside me such that her thigh, body, shoulder all touched mine. I liked it but conversation didn’t go as I had expected. She started talking about her previous boyfriend which was the last topic in this earth that I would like to hear. She declared that even after he broke up, she was not ever going to forget him. A bullet in my chest was more preferable than any of her words. She kept her head in my lap and wept. I comforted her by changing my position. Though she was crying for losing her previous boyfriend, she was hugging me. Her head was in my chest, thighs in my lap and our hands were around each other. This was my first experience for such intimacy. I was aroused and I had goose bumps in my body, yet I was in control because of her tears. Slowly she pulled my hands and our fingers were gripping each other’s. Such a position, around midnight and no one else in the room, possibly it was call for sexual relation but I didn’t want it to happen then. It would have been too early. If I had not been loving her truly from the bottom of my heart or if there was someone else in place of me, one would have easily lost his control. I do wanted to kiss her but I couldn’t dare. After all this was my first experience and I was nervous like never before. This stayed for more than an hour. She got asleep in my lap and I was just looking at her.

It was around 4 am when she suddenly woke up. She said she was going and went to other room where other girls were sleeping. I slept right there. After a few minutes, a friend of mine came and said that Neelam was calling me in the terrace. Her name was enough to wake me up. I went. She was alone there. Cold breeze was blowing. She seemed to be shivering so I gave her my jacket. Now the drama queen started her show. She talked about her family, her previous boyfriend. She came up with many meaningless arguments to prove that she can’t come in relationship with me. I kept silent. “If she had not to come in relationship, what was she doing the whole night?” I thought but didn’t say anything at all. I felt like crying but couldn’t. She continued talking till the morning. I was hurt, I was listening, and I had nothing to say. I know she is comfortably doing all this because she have plenty of other options. She do can find a guy better than me, smarter than me, richer than me but she doesn’t know that she can’t find a guy who would love her more than me. No one can love her like I do. In the morning I dropped her home and came back to hostel and slept, obviously being sad and depressed. She is a liar, a cheat, a play girl, a heartless person. I repeated this thousand times to myself.

“I don’t know what to do. Once I will talk to her, request her and save the relationship.” He declared.

No matter how angry we get, we always end up forgiving the people we love. He too had did same.

“I don’t know what to do.” He repeated.

He ended.

I took a pause. First of all, I asked what he felt right now. I wanted to make sure he was not taking any bad decisions. Some teenage may think of suicide or decide to quit study after such incidents. Some opt to become an alcoholic, thinking that the only way to get rid of an unpleasant feeling is to replace it with another unpleasant feeling. Thankfully he didn’t had any of such plans. He do was depressed. Feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness might have come. This might have made him think that he is incomplete, he lack something. I can understand the pain because of giving permanent feeling to a temporary person. I cautioned him that staying attached to her or having a hope was going to depress him even more. I suggested to be in gap with her. He had to start it the same day because there is no better time than right now for anything good. And also let not these things to hamper his study, this was a critical time of his life. I hope he understood. He had to accept the fact that love is not always reciprocated. When breakup comes the one who has to move simply leaves, the other one is alone to suffer, to get hurt. This is same in every breakup. Now, love has become pretty much cheap and well-to-do. To come in a relationship, to break up, to swap the partner you don’t need to invest even a month. Things are easy. I agree it’s not true for many, but they are the exceptions. Society is run not by exceptions but by what generally happens. You do have to accept the fact.

Further I told him a story about love problems that I had read recently.

Ram falls in love with Sita but Sita doesn’t love Ram. So Ram is in trouble.

Slowly Ram succeeds to attract Sita towards him but she already have a boyfriend; Hari. So Sita is in trouble now.

Finally she dumps Hari over Ram. Now Hari is in trouble.

Hari tries to get Sita back. He makes her feel, after all this was the boy she loved. Ram and Sita both gets in trouble.

Hari discovers Sita was in parallel relation with him and Ram before breakup. Hari is hurt and is in trouble.

This in normal love story and love problems that people have in this age. You are in the place of Ram, Sita and Hari of above story in different times of your love too. This is common and happens with almost everyone.

Next thing is, you get depressed after breakup or you are hyperactive while you see whom you love, you have faster heartbeat, palpitation etc. These happens due to hormonal rush in your body. It is medically proven that this continues only for six month to one year. That means your depression after break up too is significantly decreased within six months or so and your interest towards your current girlfriend/boyfriend too will significantly decreased within same period of time. Break up makes you depressed, just imagine even if you were not dumped, you yourself would have lost your interest on him/her within a year. This is medically proven based on hormonal study. You can trust me not only because of medical evidences but also because when I talk about depression I talk being based on my personal experience.

Interestingly we only see the results and happenings but fail to understand or think about minor details. She offered to massage his hairs only after she saw someone else doing that. He dropped her home that day and next day she called him just to inform that some other boy in the class had dropped her. These suggests that she doesn’t want a relationship. She is a diva and just willing to have one more admirer or follower. She is just willing to be a center of attraction for many. There are people keeping ‘more than friend’ relationship with more than one. They are proud of that too. I doubt Neelam too was one among them. I explained him the same.

She could have continued a fake relationship which would have hurt him even more in future, Isn’t it? She should be thanked for making it all clear early. She might be herself going through emotional stress because of previous boyfriend whom she still loves. This can’t be an excuse and neither is she allowed to play with someone else’s feelings, yet we shouldn’t forget that she might herself be in the need of help. She needs time to get over her previous relationship. Another important fact is, no matter what intimacy you shared, when she thinks she has done with the relationship then she is done with it. She has all moral and ethical right to depart. I suggested him to let her go also because he too can’t get a true happiness from being in such a relationship. It’s good that she left by herself. It’s better to be alone than being with wrong one. Relationships should be chosen wisely. You need to have a partner who makes you want to change yourself and become a better person every day, not a person who keeps you in doubts. You should get committed preferably after you are known for considerable period of time. Relationship needs time. After all it needs a strong roots to withstand big tree. Loosing trusts, lies, fights, a long distance relationship, not matching goals, etc. are surficial reasons to break relationships. Relations actually break because your roots are not so deep, not because those winds are strong. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. You should fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. Probably this is not the right time and there is no point in doing anything more. I know to keep relationship going and to make it work- one person always needs to give little more, one person always has to forgive more, one person always have to work harder. Because of this, both person reach to a stage of relationship with a bond for life. Trust me, getting a right person is harder than doing all this. The sacrifices to a wrong person leads you nowhere other than failure and depression. We generally make the mistake of loving the one who leaves and leaving the one who loves. I suggested that it was better to quit that relationship right there instead of requesting her. She is to be left not loved. Even more if she is requested, will she agree? Off course not. If you continue damning the consequences, you will get hurt even more and nothing else. As simple as that.

I am not yet sure what will he do. It’s easy to convince people to walk in right track but it’s almost impossible to make them walk in right track. I told him that he may contact or come to me whenever he feels like needed. If his mood keeps being low, if he keeps being hurt, and if he continues being sad and depressed than we do have psychiatrist to help. I know supporting is not easy task but a continuous process.

I wish him luck for life.